Saturday 25 August 2012
Friday 10 August 2012
Bullied 2 Brave
Bullied 2 Brave
A thirteen year old boy comes home from school one day. He is so tired of being bullied at school that he gets on his computer and Google’s “How to commit suicide”. He is afraid to tell his mom because she has a lot going on right now, and he feels like he has no one to talk to. He wonders why people at school have to be so mean to him and why they just can’t leave him alone. He doesn’t commit suicide, but thinks about it often until graduation day.
That boy was me.
At that age, it was the first time I ever even thought of the concept of killing myself. Not only did I contend with an alcoholic abusive father until I was 12, but now I had kids at school adding to the mess. The pretty girl who got all the boys…..the jocks who got all the girls…..and then the just plain mean ones who thought they were better than everyone else. These are the people that robbed me of my school years. What should be somewhat enjoyable for kids, turned out to be a living hell for me every day. I never understood and still don’t, why they had to be so cruel. I imagine it was because they got some kind of sick thrill out of bullying other people, and maybe felt ashamed about themselves so they took it out on others. I was fortunate though to find a group of girls in my high school days that took some of that pain away, and provided a safe place for me to belong. I will be forever grateful to those women who I still to this day call my friends.
It was one of the biggest reasons why I feared coming out as a gay man. I would have flashbacks to my childhood and the abuse I had to live with for so long. I never wanted that again, who would? But I knew that there would be brighter days ahead, just as when I left the school system and that I would somehow rise against the hatred in people’s hearts. But I did it. I came out. And it has been harder than I ever imagined it would be. The impolite stares from people, the hate messages you receive from religious folk who tell me I am going to rot in hell for my unnatural life style. And family members who seem to have less time for me now that I have embraced my true self. It’s been a struggle not to let all this break me down, but though times have been hard, I have never felt so free. And I refuse to let the ignorance of others conform me to a lifestyle that they would chose I live. I just try to live my life the best way I know how, and be real about it.
I always said when I was younger I was going to do greater things and rise above the insults and the abuse I relentlessly accepted by others. As Ellen DeGeneres says; “My haters are my motivators”. And she is right! The hateful people I have had and still have give me the fuel I need to keep going and be a better person.
It has been my CF as well that has given me grief over the years in regards to being bullied. Because people didn’t want to take the time to understand why I was sick, they picked on me instead. I was always labeled as ‘the sick boy’ and never really fit in because I took medication at recess and lunch. And because I had to take puffers during class and would often need to just get out of class to get some fresh air. If your not ‘perfect’ like everyone else in the world, then you are labeled as being different and often the subject of conversation like you were on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
I’ve always lived my life by the principle my mother teaching me, to ‘do on to others as you would have done to yourself’. And I never retaliated either, partly because though I was in grade 9 I looked like someone who should have been in grade 6. It was hard though, not to get up and smack those mean people upside the head and beg them to leave me alone. Even today when someone upsets me or does something that resembles how I was treated I get short tempered and often lash out rather than not say anything at all. Bullies I have learned only continue when they know its bothering you, therefore if you don’t let it bother you they lose their power to hurt. It such a struggle though, to not retaliate. It’s one of the things I am working on most these days. Because the people who matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter. Agree?
So what have I done about it. Well I have made peace with some high school bullies and let them know how they made me feel, and to my surprise all have apologized and have felt great remorse over the way they acted and treated people. It has kind of mended the wounds a little and brought closure to that part of my life. Today, I have refused to let anyone who doesn’t accept me for me into my life, that way I am keeping clear of the poison that they release into my life. I reach out to young ones who I know are bullied and try and lend a helping hand as I wish someone did for me when I was going through that painful time in my life. I try and educate people about CF and how though we are ill, we are still normal and do not deserve to be picked on because of something we have no control over. And lastly I promote gay right, as I do not think any religion, sect or denomination has the right to frown upon how someone else is choosing to live their life. Being gay is not a choice. After all who would choose to be abused, and hated so much in this world all because of your sexual orientation which in the end is nobody’s business but your own. I stand up for myself whenever I feel hatred now. Just last weekend Perry and I were visiting his brother and their family in the park, and upon entering the park there was a young brat on the side of the road who said “Hey Faggot!” Well, I slammed on the brakes, put the car in reverse and gave that child a good fright. I hope he thinks twice the next time he decides to disrespect someone like that again.
I always try and look at the good through all the bad as well, and I believe that being bullied has made me a more compassionate person. I often feel sad for people who have no one to talk to about this major issue that we have in our society. There is Kids Help Phone which I called more than once let me tell you, but it’s not the same as having a real human being to talk to and discuss what is weighing so heavily on your mind and heart.
So there you have it. I’m a free spirit now and I do not accept unacceptable behavior any longer. I am proud of who I am. I am thankful for those who have continued by my side and enrich my life with beauty and grace. Choosing to decide how we react to people’s negativity is a great gift that God has given us. And while I await a world where bullying does not exist, I am going to move forward and help as many as I can in their fight to be who they were born to be.
"I've been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don't have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms."
~Lady Gaga
A thirteen year old boy comes home from school one day. He is so tired of being bullied at school that he gets on his computer and Google’s “How to commit suicide”. He is afraid to tell his mom because she has a lot going on right now, and he feels like he has no one to talk to. He wonders why people at school have to be so mean to him and why they just can’t leave him alone. He doesn’t commit suicide, but thinks about it often until graduation day.
That boy was me.
At that age, it was the first time I ever even thought of the concept of killing myself. Not only did I contend with an alcoholic abusive father until I was 12, but now I had kids at school adding to the mess. The pretty girl who got all the boys…..the jocks who got all the girls…..and then the just plain mean ones who thought they were better than everyone else. These are the people that robbed me of my school years. What should be somewhat enjoyable for kids, turned out to be a living hell for me every day. I never understood and still don’t, why they had to be so cruel. I imagine it was because they got some kind of sick thrill out of bullying other people, and maybe felt ashamed about themselves so they took it out on others. I was fortunate though to find a group of girls in my high school days that took some of that pain away, and provided a safe place for me to belong. I will be forever grateful to those women who I still to this day call my friends.
It was one of the biggest reasons why I feared coming out as a gay man. I would have flashbacks to my childhood and the abuse I had to live with for so long. I never wanted that again, who would? But I knew that there would be brighter days ahead, just as when I left the school system and that I would somehow rise against the hatred in people’s hearts. But I did it. I came out. And it has been harder than I ever imagined it would be. The impolite stares from people, the hate messages you receive from religious folk who tell me I am going to rot in hell for my unnatural life style. And family members who seem to have less time for me now that I have embraced my true self. It’s been a struggle not to let all this break me down, but though times have been hard, I have never felt so free. And I refuse to let the ignorance of others conform me to a lifestyle that they would chose I live. I just try to live my life the best way I know how, and be real about it.
I always said when I was younger I was going to do greater things and rise above the insults and the abuse I relentlessly accepted by others. As Ellen DeGeneres says; “My haters are my motivators”. And she is right! The hateful people I have had and still have give me the fuel I need to keep going and be a better person.
It has been my CF as well that has given me grief over the years in regards to being bullied. Because people didn’t want to take the time to understand why I was sick, they picked on me instead. I was always labeled as ‘the sick boy’ and never really fit in because I took medication at recess and lunch. And because I had to take puffers during class and would often need to just get out of class to get some fresh air. If your not ‘perfect’ like everyone else in the world, then you are labeled as being different and often the subject of conversation like you were on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
I’ve always lived my life by the principle my mother teaching me, to ‘do on to others as you would have done to yourself’. And I never retaliated either, partly because though I was in grade 9 I looked like someone who should have been in grade 6. It was hard though, not to get up and smack those mean people upside the head and beg them to leave me alone. Even today when someone upsets me or does something that resembles how I was treated I get short tempered and often lash out rather than not say anything at all. Bullies I have learned only continue when they know its bothering you, therefore if you don’t let it bother you they lose their power to hurt. It such a struggle though, to not retaliate. It’s one of the things I am working on most these days. Because the people who matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter. Agree?
So what have I done about it. Well I have made peace with some high school bullies and let them know how they made me feel, and to my surprise all have apologized and have felt great remorse over the way they acted and treated people. It has kind of mended the wounds a little and brought closure to that part of my life. Today, I have refused to let anyone who doesn’t accept me for me into my life, that way I am keeping clear of the poison that they release into my life. I reach out to young ones who I know are bullied and try and lend a helping hand as I wish someone did for me when I was going through that painful time in my life. I try and educate people about CF and how though we are ill, we are still normal and do not deserve to be picked on because of something we have no control over. And lastly I promote gay right, as I do not think any religion, sect or denomination has the right to frown upon how someone else is choosing to live their life. Being gay is not a choice. After all who would choose to be abused, and hated so much in this world all because of your sexual orientation which in the end is nobody’s business but your own. I stand up for myself whenever I feel hatred now. Just last weekend Perry and I were visiting his brother and their family in the park, and upon entering the park there was a young brat on the side of the road who said “Hey Faggot!” Well, I slammed on the brakes, put the car in reverse and gave that child a good fright. I hope he thinks twice the next time he decides to disrespect someone like that again.
I always try and look at the good through all the bad as well, and I believe that being bullied has made me a more compassionate person. I often feel sad for people who have no one to talk to about this major issue that we have in our society. There is Kids Help Phone which I called more than once let me tell you, but it’s not the same as having a real human being to talk to and discuss what is weighing so heavily on your mind and heart.
So there you have it. I’m a free spirit now and I do not accept unacceptable behavior any longer. I am proud of who I am. I am thankful for those who have continued by my side and enrich my life with beauty and grace. Choosing to decide how we react to people’s negativity is a great gift that God has given us. And while I await a world where bullying does not exist, I am going to move forward and help as many as I can in their fight to be who they were born to be.
"I've been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don't have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms."
~Lady Gaga
Peace and Love,
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
Thursday 9 August 2012
Help Wanted; HELP NEEDED
Help Wanted; HELP NEEDED
I can’t do this on my own. That I know for sure. It’s a pretty strong feeling of helplessness when you have to depend on people’s generosity to make this happen. And if there is one other thing I know for sure, it’s that I am surrounded by so many beautiful people in my life and people who are so willing to help me make this happen.
When I first heard of getting a transplant and what was involved, it freaked me out a little to be honest. I never doubted the fact I will survive the surgery, and I am still confident in that. What I was worried about and still am a little, is that I am not going to have the finances to make this happen. In my opinion a lifesaving surgery like this should be free. Not only do I have to pay for my transportation to and from Toronto a few times before and then when this actually happen, but I have to pay for all my expenses back here at home. I have to pay to have an escort with me at all times and I have to pay for my living arrangement when I get to Toronto, possibly up to 6 months while I wait for the call. I could go on and on with everything I have to pay for, but the point is, I need your help. I know one person who had to pay $27,000 and another who had to pay $53,000. Her hotel bill alone while she waited for the transplant was $20,000!!!!! And that’s with a medical discount!
I feel like my life has now, truly begun. I’m neither ready nor willing to call it quits now. So that’s why I am asking for your help. People die every day from things we have no control over; people die of cancer with no cure, they die from tragic car accidents and unforeseen occurrences, they die from old age. Those things we as fellow human have no control over those things. However, in my case, fortunately, I do have control but I need money. You can’t put a price on my life, but there is a price to save one.
Cystic Fibrosis has robbed me of so much in my life, and is responsible for causing me a lot of heart ache over the years. And the fact that these new lungs though they won’t cure me, they will give me a new start. It’s like pressing a ‘reset’ button on life. I will know what it is like to breathe, truly breathe for the first time. I am so excited about the things that I then will be able to do to give back having renewed energy and not have to worry constantly about dying. I have so much I want to do and not having to worry about simply breathing seems like a foreign concept that I will not be able to truly grasp until I recover from the surgery.
I can’t do this on my own. That I know for sure. It’s a pretty strong feeling of helplessness when you have to depend on people’s generosity to make this happen. And if there is one other thing I know for sure, it’s that I am surrounded by so many beautiful people in my life and people who are so willing to help me make this happen.
When I first heard of getting a transplant and what was involved, it freaked me out a little to be honest. I never doubted the fact I will survive the surgery, and I am still confident in that. What I was worried about and still am a little, is that I am not going to have the finances to make this happen. In my opinion a lifesaving surgery like this should be free. Not only do I have to pay for my transportation to and from Toronto a few times before and then when this actually happen, but I have to pay for all my expenses back here at home. I have to pay to have an escort with me at all times and I have to pay for my living arrangement when I get to Toronto, possibly up to 6 months while I wait for the call. I could go on and on with everything I have to pay for, but the point is, I need your help. I know one person who had to pay $27,000 and another who had to pay $53,000. Her hotel bill alone while she waited for the transplant was $20,000!!!!! And that’s with a medical discount!
I feel like my life has now, truly begun. I’m neither ready nor willing to call it quits now. So that’s why I am asking for your help. People die every day from things we have no control over; people die of cancer with no cure, they die from tragic car accidents and unforeseen occurrences, they die from old age. Those things we as fellow human have no control over those things. However, in my case, fortunately, I do have control but I need money. You can’t put a price on my life, but there is a price to save one.
Cystic Fibrosis has robbed me of so much in my life, and is responsible for causing me a lot of heart ache over the years. And the fact that these new lungs though they won’t cure me, they will give me a new start. It’s like pressing a ‘reset’ button on life. I will know what it is like to breathe, truly breathe for the first time. I am so excited about the things that I then will be able to do to give back having renewed energy and not have to worry constantly about dying. I have so much I want to do and not having to worry about simply breathing seems like a foreign concept that I will not be able to truly grasp until I recover from the surgery.
I want to take this time to thank my donor family for
the first time. The lungs I will receive are still walking around somewhere,
breathing in fresh air. They will have to lose their loved one in order for me
to gain a second chance at this thing. If you have read my blogs you know that
I am a big believer that gratitude is the key to real, genuine happiness here
on earth. I promise that I will use this opportunity to honor your loved one
and to do something that will leave my footprint in this world. Thank You are
just not strong enough words…….
I read a story in an article online that told of a young woman with CF who was entering the OR and one of the last things she said before she went under, is that she was worried she would not be able to raise the rest of the money needed to pay for the operation. Sadly, she never made it out of the surgery. I don’t want to be that person. I want to go into this knowing I have the means to go all the way. I want as little stress on my body when I enter that room so that I can be fully grounded in the now, and know that I will make it.
I’m not asking for money. Actually I am. But I am asking for life. I am asking you to help me stay alive and have the wonderful opportunity to start over, and enjoy the rest of this beautiful life I know is in me. There are no words that could ever express my gratitude for your support and help as I face these troubled seas up ahead. But there is a beautiful day waiting for me after this storm. A day I can celebrate with my family and friends. A day that celebrates the fact that I made it, and with your help I am able to live.
No donation is too small. Even if you think it is not enough, it is!
If you want to make a donation online you can do so on this blog, on the left hand side there is a “Donate” button that is linked directly to a PayPal account that has been set up in my name. If you would like to make a donation by check you can make it out to Jamie Chafe and mail it to;
44aTaverner Place
Clarenville, NL
A5A 4P1
You can also email transfer to jamiesjourneycanada@yahoo.ca
If you know of any businesses or anyone who may want to make a donation to an online auction that will take place soon, you can also provide this email to these individuals.
So that’s my plea to you all. I cannot say enough just how badly I want this! I am so afraid that I will die if I do not make the money needed in time, and lose my chance at this amazing, life changing opportunity. I am sending my gratitude to you all in advance for your kindness. I promise to honor your contribution with my life post-transplant and continue to try and be the best person I can be…….with new lungs!
I’d like to finish this blog with some exciting news! I have been contacted by a publisher and they want to turn my series of blogs into a book! Proceeds from the book is going to help me get my lungs and also to help me start a foundation that will help other people with Cystic Fibrosis raise money to help them get their amazing opportunity and a second shot at life, “The Jamie’s Journey Foundation”.
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them”
-John F. Kennedy
With all my love and deepest gratitude,I read a story in an article online that told of a young woman with CF who was entering the OR and one of the last things she said before she went under, is that she was worried she would not be able to raise the rest of the money needed to pay for the operation. Sadly, she never made it out of the surgery. I don’t want to be that person. I want to go into this knowing I have the means to go all the way. I want as little stress on my body when I enter that room so that I can be fully grounded in the now, and know that I will make it.
I’m not asking for money. Actually I am. But I am asking for life. I am asking you to help me stay alive and have the wonderful opportunity to start over, and enjoy the rest of this beautiful life I know is in me. There are no words that could ever express my gratitude for your support and help as I face these troubled seas up ahead. But there is a beautiful day waiting for me after this storm. A day I can celebrate with my family and friends. A day that celebrates the fact that I made it, and with your help I am able to live.
No donation is too small. Even if you think it is not enough, it is!
If you want to make a donation online you can do so on this blog, on the left hand side there is a “Donate” button that is linked directly to a PayPal account that has been set up in my name. If you would like to make a donation by check you can make it out to Jamie Chafe and mail it to;
44aTaverner Place
Clarenville, NL
A5A 4P1
You can also email transfer to jamiesjourneycanada@yahoo.ca
If you know of any businesses or anyone who may want to make a donation to an online auction that will take place soon, you can also provide this email to these individuals.
So that’s my plea to you all. I cannot say enough just how badly I want this! I am so afraid that I will die if I do not make the money needed in time, and lose my chance at this amazing, life changing opportunity. I am sending my gratitude to you all in advance for your kindness. I promise to honor your contribution with my life post-transplant and continue to try and be the best person I can be…….with new lungs!
I’d like to finish this blog with some exciting news! I have been contacted by a publisher and they want to turn my series of blogs into a book! Proceeds from the book is going to help me get my lungs and also to help me start a foundation that will help other people with Cystic Fibrosis raise money to help them get their amazing opportunity and a second shot at life, “The Jamie’s Journey Foundation”.
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them”
-John F. Kennedy
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
Thursday 2 August 2012
Puppy Love
 |
| Jorja and I, August 2010 |
We bought her almost to this day, two years ago. We called her Jorja. She quickly became the love of my life. A purebred Shitzu, with a coat like silk. Jorja filled a void in me that I didn’t even know existed. I somehow imagined that getting her, may make living a lie more enjoyable with my ex-wife. Males with Cystic Fibrosis cannot re-produce. Wait, that’s a lie. There is like a 0.0003% out of all of us that can! Lol So I thought that maybe it was because she and I never had kids, maybe that’s why our relationship wasn’t working. So one last attempt by getting a puppy was what I thought I needed. Turns out I needed it, but for much different reasons.
Jorja and I loved to walk the streets of Glenwood, where we lived. I now know why they called it ‘man’s best friend’, because they truly do fit that title. This was the first dog that I owned that I could remember at least, and she very soon became my closest companion, someone with whom I shared my darkest secrets with. As it happened though, she proved not to be only good for my mental health, but my physical as well. Jorja, as I mentioned before, loved to walk. So she encouraged me with her cute little face to take her for walks quite regularly. I noticed that I had more energy. I was coughing up a lot of junk on route and was feeling more and more refreshed. We as humans receive so much more from our precious little fur babies than we could ever give them. All they ask for is our love and attention.
This may sound harsh and maybe a little insensitive but leaving my home that day, it was harder leaving Jorja then it was leaving Alicia. I wanted nothing but the best for her and knew that she would find love again. Someone who could give her what I was not able to. But Jorja, she was my buddy. The one with whom I spent some hard times with and shared some harsh realities. She was a part of me when I left; a part of me I miss so much to this day. It’s hard not seeing her pictures anymore and hearing how she is. But, I have just found a way to move on, knowing my ex is a terrific person and will spoil her if not more than I would.
I quickly noticed that my motivation had diminished in the loss of Jorja. I never had any drive to get out and exercise. In fact, I hated walking when I left. It was always a reminder of what I lost and what I so longed for. But I just told myself that one day, when I meet a new life partner, not only would they have to love dogs, but they must want one. A dog adds to a life something I feel is priceless and cannot be obtained by any other way, than simply owning one.
Then Perry came along. He loved dogs! In fact, he has one who lives with his mom that they have had since he was a young lad. I knew that from the way he spoke of Maggie, he would have no objections in getting a ‘fur baby’ of our own.
Then, after a recent discussion with my doctor, it was brought to my attention that my health was at a peak when I had Jorja. They don’t know if it is coincidence or if it’s because Jorja encouraged me to walk and added an ingredient to my daily routine that no drug ever could. That got me thinking, and with great debate and thought out planning with my CF team, they agreed that adding a canine back into my life, may just be the thing to add years to my existence.
Our landlord agreed to us having a cat, but another animal in a one bedroom apartment can be a little crowded with two pets around. But we weren’t surprised when she said that it was not a problem. “If it means helping your health, go right ahead, not a problem”. It’s people like her that continue to humble me here on my journey, someone who can overlook a personal preference and make adjustments to accommodate others in need. Sure she has seen the way Perry and I look after this place but it was very kind of her to make this allowance in our behalf.
Now to find a dog! Perry suffers from severe allergies and I of course have a breathing
condition, so it was important to find a decent dog that won’t harm us. So Perry says “Why don’t we get another Shitzu?” “PERFECT”, I said! So we did some searching and found mini-shitzu puppies and started the process of adopting her. I was nervous about getting one at first because I was afraid he or she would remind me of Jorja and it would be a downer for me. But I knew that I am making a new start and a fresh beginning with Perry and that now we are going to make our own memories with our new little one.
We were not supposed to get the puppy until this Sunday. But we got a call saying that she is ready to go, so come and get her. Yesterday evening we hopped in the car, like too mad savages and took off for town, putting our own life at risk on the highway at night, just so we could feel the warmth of our little baby girl against our skin.
It’s been less than 24 hours since Paris Raine Chaulk joined our family and as the tears role down my face as I type these very words I cannot express to you all how complete I feel again. When you live in shame of who you are for so long, you wonder if you will ever truly find perfect happiness. I have. Through Perry’s endless love and now Paris’s warm companionship to the two of us, it helps me know deep down in my gut that I made the right choices. And that no God above
would want to take this feeling of absolute joy away from me. It is my belief that God put this “furry friends” here for a reason. To help humans learn compassion and to help us on our journey through this world. A part of me was missing, and I will never be able to replace Jorja with Paris, but I feel like a piece of my heart has been restored to where it belongs.
I can’t thank those involved with us getting Paris enough, she has brought us so much joy in so little time, and she just may save my life, or at least extend it!
 |
| Perry and Paris, on our way HOME |
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
~Roger Caras
A person who has never owned a dog has missed a wonderful part of life.
~Bob Barker
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
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